I love Christmas season. In many ways, it is the
most wonderful time of the year. I even find myself humming along with Andy
Williams, not that I have plans for jingle bell ringing or mistltoeing this
Christmas, but I do hope my “heart will be glowing/ When love ones are near.”
But, Christmas isn't like that for thousands, nor
has it always been for me. Christmas can be one of the loneliest times of the
year, especially for those whose loved ones aren't near or are even gone
forever. The fact is, for many, Christmas is far from “the hap-happiest season
of all.”
And you don’t have to be single and alone or separated
from loved ones to feel the bleakness of Christmas. Being smothered by too much
family can prompt heartache, too. As Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo) blurted out in
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: “I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and
we're all in misery.”
Psychiatrists,
psychologists and other mental health professionals see a spike in suicides and
attempted suicides during this season, and one study reports that 45% of
respondents dreaded the holidays.
The reasons? Often,
it’s because we over expect, over spend, and over analyze: We expect perfect
moments, and are disappointed when we don’t have them, spend too much, then weep
when the credit card bill arrives, and all
the while, we’re thinking too much about ourselves--- all that we aren't and
all that we don’t have materially or relationally.
The season itself was
never supposed to be the focus. It’s like buying an expensive gift for
someone’s birthday, dressing up, thinking about what the party will mean, and
then upon arriving, ignoring the birthday boy or girl.
It can cast a grand
sadness on the partiers.
Especially if you are
having trouble loving the ones you’re with or longing for those who are absent.
So, if “everyone
telling you ‘Be of good cheer” elicits a “bah humbug” response from you,
perhaps these suggestions may help.
Resist the temptation
to beat yourself up for cringing when Christmas season rolls around. That will
only exacerbate the situation. Most people experience loneliness from time to
time. The events and pressures of the holidays only heighten the likelihood that
you will encounter some form of melancholy during this time.
Accept it.
Instead of fearing
loneliness like the plague and fleeing it by rushing to replace it with
superficial activities, receive aloneness as a gift. I’m certainly not
suggesting you become reclusive or that you feed your gloominess by
deliberately secluding yourself, but the remedy for feeling blue isn't going to
be found in busyness, for when the activities cease, your sadness will return. Learn
to appreciate the solitude, using it as an opportunity to reflect on where and
who you are in relation to the eternal and others. Sometimes our deepest insights
come when we have no one to talk with, when we are on our own and apart from
others.
Walking the road less
traveled doesn’t mean you walk alone. Turning your attention to others diverts
your attention from yourself and your own lack. Look to see how you can help
someone else.
Think of George Bailey
(Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life)
contemplating suicide. Suddenly, he dives into the water to save Clarence
(Henry Travers), George’s guardian angel. That solitary act of valor set in
motion a series of events that revealed to George who he was and what was really
important to him. Remember what George said near the end of the movie when he
returned to the same bridge? “Get me back to my
wife and kids! Help me Clarence, please! Please! I wanna live again. I wanna
live again. Please, God, let me live again.”
Even when it’s impossible to get
back to your family or have it like it once was, you can still cry out with a
desire to live again and embrace each present moment.
The baby born in the manger would
know total aloneness, for he was not only born in what most considered a God
forsaken corner of the earth called Bethlehem---but he would cry out 33 years
later, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
He is the One who can feel what
you’re feeling, and standing in you and by your side, give you your life and
even more: He can make it last beyond the Christmas season.
And that can turn into not just the
most wonderful time of year, but something far better: a most wonderful life.
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